Bandages or Surgery?

            Life seems more out of wack than ever before, especially for those 15 to 29.  They seem to be involved in more serious crimes, taking larger numbers of their own lives or the lives of others, or stumbling through life making one mistake after another. We, collectively, are doing something wrong.

          Now, there are millions of success stories; stories of those within this age group focused on resolving their own special challenges, and even challenges within the larger society. These often go unmentioned and unshared. . But there are many others who desperately need strategies to help them put the spark back into their eyes, their lives, their futures. 

          As a college Oral Communications and English instructor and a young adult minister, I witness the daily frustration, self-loathing, and the loss for what to do. I spend a lot of time praying with them, helping them find solutions that work, and affirming their self worth. 

          But way too often we simply puts "bandages" in place, throwing dollars into solutions like job training, education and employment, and then throwing hands up in frustration when our target population does not "do what's right."  

           The truth is that in most cases, the failure is not theirs to bear; at least not alone. It is collectively ours because sometimes bandages don't heal sores. Sometimes they create even worse wounds that fester and create places and spaces in the body and mind that become raw, aching and excruciatingly painful.

        As children, if our scrapes or wounds became infected, our parents immediately applied additional ointments, let the wound "air out" or called a doctor to see how they could "take the infection out." Trusting only in the usefulness of bandages could have caused us to end up with scaring. 

          If the usefulness of bandages for bodily sores is limited, what makes us think the usefulness of them as a strategy to address huge, gaping emotional scars isn't limited? 

          Sometimes we have to perform surgery to address issues caused by outside forces, to relieve pain, to reduce the symptoms of an ongoing problem or to improve how our body functions. We have to employ reparative strategies that affirm the value of life, and prepare our young people to take full advantage of those traditional solutions. We must invest in programs that allow young people to discover who they are, why they exist and what they were meant to accomplish. Let's empower them to build emotional stamina and spiritual fortitude, improve interpersonal relationships and develop as leaders who are healthy, purpose-focused and who positively impact theirs and others lives. 

          Let's snatch off those bandages, and bear the pain. Surgery, while it might be more painful, often can bring a complete and total healing, not merely a cover up for a festering sore.

               

    






-http://www.bemagazine.org/changemakers-directory/43935/rose-of-sharon-ministries-inc/
-https://www.facebook.com/roseofsharonytg/
-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7A4aOhpCU5Q

So...what's the deal with "church hurt"?

       In October 2011, I published a book and workbook titled, Church Hurt Ain't No Joke. The book  examined the causes and impact of being emotionally and spiritually hurt while attending church, and offered solutions for understanding it and growing from it. In its totality, the book takes the reader through a definition of "church hurt," describes how and why it occurs, suggests how pastors and church leadership can avoid and work through it, and how individuals can both survive and thrive as they victoriously walk through it.

       Little did I know that six years later some church leaders would still be responding to the phrase "church hurt" as if it unfairly chastises the church and hurts its reputation. What is interesting though is that the ones who consistently claim the inappropriateness of the term, are probably the same ones that have not objectively read my book or any other book about the phenomenon from cover to cover, spoken with church members, besides their own, to see what they think about the topic, held conversations with those who have chosen not to attend church, or worked to acquire any new perspective or clear understanding of why the term has become so popular and endearing to multitudes of individuals.

       One of the primary comments often echoed against the phrase is that other types of common hurt are not coined in the same way. For example, opponents of the term contend that since we don't say, "school hurt," "family hurt" or "beauty shop hurt," it is inappropriate to "target" what happens in church as "church hurt." My answer to that has consistently been that in NONE of those venues do we walk in as spiritually open and vulnerable, expecting and searching for unconditional love and acceptance.

       Another primary grievance registered against the phrase is that "churches don't hurt people, people hurt people." Technically that is true, but isn't it also true that the church is "responsible" to set the tone and agenda for its members? Or, at the very least, as church leaders we have a responsibility to hold up a standard that says "church hurt" will not be normalized. Church leaders also should be accountable to embrace a strategy that equips leadership and members to walk through it focused on spiritual maturity and growth.

       Maybe if we as church leaders could contain our personal sensitivities and keep our God-ordained purposes in mind, we could reconnect with the ever increasing numbers of individuals who daily decide to leave the church. If we could focus on raising up leaders and disciples, maybe the "church hurt" phenomenon could serve as the panacea that guides us toward building church strategies that address the residual pain and separation from church that this type of hurt can lead to.

        Ignoring the impact of "church hurt" is detrimental to our universal goals. It does little to position us to serve those with whom we are charged to serve, guide and mature in preparation for them to fulfill their created purpose.  More importantly, it takes away from the very important tasks of raising spiritually healthy and mature individuals, who are equipped to more fully surrender to God's will.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615517587/ref=cm_sw_su_dp
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0991028716/ref=cm_sw_su_dp

http://www.stlamerican.com/entertainment/living_it/healing-from-church-hurt/article_26eba8c0-51ec-11e5-acef-4f1c0aa01852.html